Pissed Epistle: My First Hate MailAwwww, Isn't It Cute??
I received my first-ever hate mail for Marchron earlier this week. Judging by its utter suckitude, I think it's the first hate mail he's ever sent, too.
I hope he read that "I reserve the right to post any and all criticisms and flames." If he didn't . . . well, that's just too damn bad:
Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 4:09:32 +0000
Subject: You are an idiot
>I'm Gina Cora's boyfriend. We both think you are an idiot.
Devastating. I should raise the white flag of surrender now.
Or I could say this:
Who the hell are you? Oh, you're "Gina Cora's boyfriend." Well, that's very helpful. Who the hell is she?
Waaaaiiitt, I remember now; Gina Cora was one of my detractors when I was writing for The Observer. As I recall, she was one of my more unpersuasive and hysterical respondents. I suppose the knowledge that I've started a blog made her catch the vapors, so much so that she was unable to comment and/or reply on her own.
In that case, I should commend you. Chivalry is not dead! You have valiantly taken up the sword to defend your lady's honor! "I shall run the bastard through with my rapier wit! When I tell the foul right-wing beast that we both think him to be an 'idiot,' he will withdraw to his smelly dark cave, and victory shall be ours!"
Truly, thou art a knight of impressive skill and impeccable honor. To further antagonize you would surely lead to my own awful demise.
But, then again, I'm an idiot.
Most people, when they decide to send someone a note of disagreement, at least summon up the courage to illustrate where the recipient was wrong. I suppose you, given your utter dismissal, disagree with everything I've ever said; in which case you could have bothered to point out what really set you off.
However, you chose a different avenue, and an oh-so-gutsy one it was: you simply name-dropped your girlfriend, as if she were Keyser Soze and the mere mention of your connection to her would make me soil myself with fear. Putting aside the question of why either of you consider yourselves capable of informed commentary on my intelligence, that's just . . . weak. Even for a drive-by flaming. For God's sake, I hope you're getting a better education on how to be persuasive by Northwestern's Law School. I can just see it now:
JUDGE: Your closing argument, Counselor Richards?
YOU: [rises] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury . . . this is my girlfriend, Gina Cora. We both think opposing counsel is an idiot. [sits]
GINA: [whispering] Good job, honey.
I mean, really. It's not as if my comments are so impervious to counterargument. They are, however, impervious to the cyberspace equivalent of leaving a flaming bag of dog poop on my doorstep and then running, and what you wrote doesn't even come close to THAT. You lit a fake novelty turd in front of my door, and compounded that by sticking around and introducing yourself by way of your girlfriend. Admittedly, that's slightly less cowardly than just adding an anonymous comment at the end of one of my posts, but I'm not sure if it's any smarter.
So, yeah, whatever you meant to accomplish here, you failed — unless of course you meant to accomplish having me responding to you and quoting both your e-mail (in its entirety of monumental irrelevant, dull nothingness) and my reply in a post; in that case, you've succeeded.
I could go on, but I think I've made my point; which is one more point than what you made.
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(Edited 5/6 2:32 AM to add the link.)