DIPped in acid.
That's how my brain feels after watching that pointless Driver Improvement Program film and wasting more than four hours of my life. I'm not sure what was worse, the pompous moralizing on alcohol by Phil Donahue (yes, you heard me, Phil Phreakin' Donahue), or intellectually stimulating test questions such as the following:What does "BAC" stand for?
Press "1" for Big Alcohol Container.
Press "2" for Blood Alcohol Concentration.
Press "3" for none of the above.
Big Alcohol Container? BIG ALCOHOL CONTAINER? And what does that have to do with safe driving, anyway? A better question would have been "What is the limit that constitutes illegal driving?" or "How many drinks would the average person have to consume in one hour to be legally drunk?" But instead, we now have potentially thousands of drivers fully knowledgeable on what "BAC" means but not how low it has to be to stay legal or how many drinks that would comprise. That's, of course, assuming they even answered the question right and didn't simply cease paying attention when the King Of The DIPs, Phil Phreakin' Donahue, accused every American of having a drinking problem. (Yes, I did; I have a RE to write. And yes, he did; I'd quote it if I could turn the film back on without the overriding urge to heave it out the window.)
You're probably saying, "Well, why did you even watch the video then?" Because each portion of the test had questions specifically dealing with the video presentation. Right before the Big Alcohol Container question was this item of future brain sludge that probably displaced some actual valuable knowledge in my memory:
Which talk show host appeared in this portion of the video?
Press "1" for Oprah Winfrey.
Press "2" for Phil Donahue.
Press "3" for Sally Jessy Raphaël.
I'd rather have a root canal than go through that again. Perhaps that's entirely the point; maybe the state of Indiana is enforcing safe driving through the threat of mind-numbing boredom.
I want a cluckin' refund. And my Big Alcohol Container.
posted by Marsh @ 2:30 AM
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